EXPLORE. DREAM. DISCOVER

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do.  So throw off the bowlines.  Sail away from the safe harbor.  Catch the trade winds in your sails.  Explore.  Dream.  Discover.

-Mark Twain

I AM ON MY WAY

Sometimes I hear a song, and its message sounds so much like my life, that I begin to wonder if it was written about me--as if moments of my life sat suspended in fancy picture frames on the song writer's desk.  Now obviously I don't really believe that, but I am still struck by the frequency at which songs that especially comment on the current and flow of my life occur.  Lately, I have been feeling very discouraged about so many things, and yet I still have hope.  

I am on my way,

I can go the distance,

I don't care how far,

somehow I'll be strong

I know every mile

will be worth my while

I would go most anywhere

to feel like I belong.

"Go the Distance" from Walt Disney Pictures' Hercules.

Lyrics by David Zippel.

I am on my way, and I can go the distance.  With God by my side, I will be strong.  For me, the difference is that I know where and to who I belong.  To God, my creator.  In many ways, it assures me that all these feelings of not belonging to this world are not supposed to surprise or discourage me, but remind me of the awesome power by which, and for who, I was made.

WHEN THE GOING GETS TOUGH

I know that as a good 'ol Christian boy I ought to be rejoicing in my
trials and hardships, but at this moment comfort and joy are strangers
to me. It perplexes me that I feel differently than I want to, and
differently then I know I should. All my hardships boil down to money
right now, and what is money? "Sparrows..." my friends say to me with
a stroke of shortsighted genius--a reference to the birds of the
fields that God provides for. I know that I am so loved by God, and I
know he is by my side, but right now I am not comforted by that. What
a shame, too.

I want nothing more than to trust God. It has taken me time to
realize that I really do not trust God. I say I do, I want to, I
believe I should, and I want nothing more... but both God and I know
that by my actions I refuse to let go of my faith in what I can do.
With every breath I take, I hate this constant struggle to
relinquish. I know the right answers, I say the right prayers, and
while my heart is wrong I all the while picture God at my side smiling
because he knows what he has in store for me.

How do we "consider it pure joy" when every part of us just wants to
be free of all hardship. Then I realize the futility of such
thought. When is Life ever kind, easy, and hardship free? I suppose
it is these times of hardships that refine us and make us who we are,
but I wish I could be a little more joyful about it. I wish I was
stronger, I wish I was wiser, and I just wish I could fix everything
that is wrong with my life and this world... and then the perpetual
lightbulb of an idea suddenly ignites a brilliant light in the chaos
of my inner turmoil:

I have an "I" problem.