INTO THE WILD

At one point I imagined myself running away from this world and
escaping to whatever desolate location my heart could provide me the
strength to find. I am one of those men blessed with a spirit of
freedom that cannot be contained, as my thirst for adventure cannot be
satisfied by the trivial pursuit of life's end. Rather I find myself
living for those moments that make my heart gallup faster as my chest
rises and falls with a heavy breath of life. I find myself in love
with a God who created me to dream, created me to dare, and created me
to be free.

I find myself led into the wild.

Not some wilderness or expanse of lonely majesty, but rather the
wild... the uncharted territory of my future, a future that has yet to
be laid out. Here at the edge of this great world I boldly stand up
with eyes wide forward, searching, seeking for that Truth that gave me
the courage to rise at all. Before me stands the wild, and with my
burdens bared and yoked next to me, I step forward in the boldness and
strength that is not my own.

And the best part of it is that I have people to share my happiness
with. "Happiness is real when it is shared." People will never
forget the happiness you've shared with them... so let my life be just
that; a joy in community.

WOW. AMAZING

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LET FREEDOM RING

Something I have learned:

When you worry, you are basically telling God "I don't believe you love me, and I don't trust you."  Who am I to say something like that to God--the LORD of heaven and earth who created me out of dust?  When we worry about things it is evidence to the fact that we refuse to let go of our baggage:  we might as well say that we would rather be in bondage to all our crap than believe for one second that God has control over our very lives.

Not me.  If I am going to say that I trust God then I am going to mean it.  I can already see several circumstances forming in my life where I can see that my whole attitude is so wonderfully different because I am not worrying.  For once in my life I know what true freedom can be found in Christ when I refuse to worry about things outside my control anyway.

If there is one fundamental thing I have learned is that everyone can experience freedom easily... it only requires us to think clearly and follow through on our actions as Christ-lovers.

Something I told Kellen the other day "If you can't have fun in life, when can you?"

A NEW CREATION

A miracle happened today. Because of some error on my hotmail
account I had several saved messages and drafts become marked as
"unread" which of course drew my attention to them. The messages I
read were incredibly amazing, and I thank God for the blessing of
having this moment in my life.

If anything, the messages themselves paint a poor portrait of who I
am now, but a great portrait of who I used to be. As I read the
messages, it became a sweet reminder to me of how lost and insecure I
was in my past. I used to hate who I was, and saw nothing in me that
was lovable. Reading those emails I would have sent to my girlfriend
at the time make me smile with a special kind of resentment towards
that person that I was. Reading it was equally frustrating because I
sat there thinking "wow, why did I say that!?!" I realize however
how glad I am that I wrote those things, for primarily just being
able to look back today and see a glimpse into who I was.

I am so different now that it surprises me--I am totally a new
person. I owe all my transformation and change to the power of
Christ in my life (and maybe just a little bit to growing up).
Praise God though, in all things, for using the lowest moments of my
life to shape me into the man I am today. Hallelujah.

ENOUGH.

God is all I need. All of him is sufficient for me. At times when I
feel like I have nothing I truly have everything. I need to open my
eyes and remember that God is truly all I need, my hearts desire.
God make me the man you want me to be, and let me be free. Bring on
the adventure!

MY HEART WILL TRUST

There are so many things I don't understand and so many things I find so easy to doubt.  Of all these things the easiest to doubt is myself.  I have such a hard time dealing with things that I make more difficult then they need to be.  If there is anything I have learned to cherish, it is that I have freedom from all this--for Christ's strength becomes perfect in my weakness.  I have learned that trusting God, truly trusting him with everything, is more freeing than anything I have ever experienced.

I give it up, all of it.  I kneel down and offer up all my garbage.

Life is so exciting and wonderfully adventurous.

I am so free.

TOUR DE FORCE

The phrase 'Tour de force' implies an impressive performance or achievement that has been accomplished or managed with great skill.  In French it literally means "feat of strength."

What a great phrase... one that I can only hope will be used to describe how I lived my life.  While some people have their creations of art judged, others their skills as an athlete, my earnest hope is that my performance as a human being whose belief in the motif of love conquering all will be apparent and evident to others as a tour de force.

How will that look?  A man whose life reflects a tour de force will be wise, loving, patient, truth seeking, and live for justice.

WISDOM SETS YOU FREE

If there is anything that I have learned this summer is that life is
full of opportunities to be bound, enslaved, and captured by forces
that seek to sabotage our lives... yet I have been learning that
wisdom sets us free. God's wisdom, which is far superior to the
wisdom of this world, truly sets us free.

God says that those who seek wisdom will be given wisdom abundantly.

Go and rest, and God will teach you how wisdom truly sets you free.
Free from sin, free from lies that Christians still believe today,
free from so many things.

------------

From now on I will not sit here and censor myself, but rather will
deeply think and consider everything I want to say before I write. I
no longer feel the need to shy away from saying some things while
giving away in others. No more!

WE WERE MEANT FOR AMAZING THINGS

As I sit here on my couch enveloped in music that excites the spirit of optimism that dwells in the innermost core of my soul I find myself engaging in the activity that my heart most often relies upon to get me through the turbulance of life's most daunting tribulations: dreaming--for this act of imagination is paramount to my survival, and for me is tantamount to oxygen. My dreams take me on great adventures through the wildest of what this world has to offer, and as my hope sparks these visions alive with that optomism of which I so often rely upon I realize that we were meant for amazing things... things greater and grander than we realize this life can provide.

There is so much beauty in this world.

In everything.

There is so much beauty in this world just waiting to be discovered. Behind every crack and crinkle of this earth there lies something so beautiful with the power and priviledge to change our lives. There is beauty in every breath we take, in every life that is lived, in everything purposeful and everything purposeless, in the meaningful and the mundane. This life is but a stretch of our infant arms as we prepare ourselves for an eternity bathed in the glorious graces of God's grandest and greatest goal for our lives: to live in glory with him.

How blessed are we? To be given such a gift as our very next breath we take is an amazing and merciful gesture from a saviour who's love is unbound to definition and description. Every second is a pleassure, every moment we forget our mortality is a moment lost to purposeless end. Yet in the midst of such dreary words the blinds over our eyes are removed and the truth is revealed: we are meant for amazing things, and we are living amazingly.

I am not advocating the glorification of humanity or our existance, but instead I boast that God has created us for amazing things... and how foolish of us to think that our lives are pointless, purposeless, and worthless. How incredibly foolish of us to forget that God created us with love and attention.

But again... what beauty. I cannot get over the fact that we live such amazing and beautiful lives, and it puts into perspective another important truth. To whom much is given, much is expected. There is a world of hurting people out there, people who want to open their eyes (note: not people who want to have them pulled open). God wants us to take care of our fellow man.

Hope all this hasn't been too random, I just wanted to share my thoughts and love!

ENOUGH

Out of all the things in this world that I hate, the one kind of people that I hate the most are thieves. I don't know what it is but something about people that steal make me want to kick some ass. I know that isn't a very christian thing to say, but I don't care.

If you have ever had anything stolen you know how I feel. This week my cell phone, wallet, and backpack were stolen by two muthafuckin mexican cheap ass basterds, one of which only had one hand. I would love to blame it on the fact that I live in Azusa, where 50% of the population is mexican because nothing like this has ever happened to me before in newport or laguna, but I realize that blaming my woes on a particular race is not only wrong but unhelpful. At the same time though, I know for certain they were mexican, my brother saw them.

Its is going to cost me so much money to replace everything that has been stolen from me. I keep cringing as I think about it. I wish people would realize that when they steal things they are making life so hard for other people who have to deal with the fallout of what has happened. If I ever find that one-armed f'er who stole my crap, forgiveness will be the last thing on my mind--but that is so wrong. I know God calls us to forgive, but it is so tough. I have to keep myself in check constantly, and right now as I type this I realize what a fool I've been for not having forgiveness. I set out to type my thoughts about the crime of stealing, but now I find myself lead to write about the crime of lacking forgiveness.

If I sit here and wallow in my pain and hardship, they win. It sucks, but it's true. I have to forgive these people even though they deserve nothing from me. What a perfect picture of Christ's forgiveness. We all commit crimes and sins that hurt our creator, and yet he still forgives us.

Now, I take responsibility for my own self and choose to dwell in the spirit of forgiveness rather than be torchered by the pain of bondage to anger.

If I can make one final comment on thievery: I think the most important problem our country faces from being the greatest in the world is the education of its citizens. We need to educate people... so many things come with education, and I think we need to start caring more about people, and that starts with opening minds.

LONG TRAIN HOME

You would normally never be able guess where I am right now.

The most honest answer is that I haven’t the foggiest clue where I am. Somewhere about five minutes north of Bakersfield on an Amtrak train headed home to the lovely little oasis of Oakley, California. Its good to be going home, and as I glide a single story above the ground on the top level of this five car train, with a sunrise to my left and the retreating darkness to my right, I cannot help but feel the anticipation growing within me as I realize I am alive.

The most wonderful phenomena just happened. As a child I had made flip-books, but that was so elementary to what I just experienced. As we passed by another train on the tracks, my view of the distant hills illuminated by the approaching sunrise strobed as I was only allowed to peer through the gaps between the cargo cars. As an aspiring filmmaker, I know that this kinetic movement of images is what the human brain knows to be a movie, or in proper terms, cinema. It’s all light and magic, and I loved it.

I feel very alive right now. Everything is wonderful and beautiful even in the darkness. The sun is poised to rise any minute now. Its 5:12 am and I am on my way home. Its been so long since I have been home, and with the stresses of finals, work, no breaks, no stop to the repetition I find myself longing for the simple life of little Oakley, California--my retreat from the rigors of going to school in Las Angeles. I have been overwhelmed lately with finals week preparations from the spring semester that ended back in May, the immediate exhaustion from two intensive summer classes that could best be described as ‘academia onslaught’, and the stresses of working two jobs. My mom will love the great news: A’s in both classes; she’ll be so proud. It has all been adding up on top of itself though, and I found my need for escape so great that I had to get out, and fast.

Driving all the way home would be easy, but expensive. My car is in good condition but I just hate driving it sometimes. Praise God for the train, I am so happy to not have to drive.

I think I finally understand why my great grandpa James Huffman was a train conductor, this is just plain fun and exhilarating.

First Megan drove me to the Glendale Transportation Center where we waited for 10 minutes for a bus to arrive. I boarded the bus and wished my friend farewell. I sat next to some kid who hogged a quarter of my seat so he could lay down and sleep. Little sleep for me, I was too anxious.

We arrived by bus in Bakersfield at 4:10 am. I paid for my ticket and boarded the 711 train headed for Antioch, California--a convenient 10 minutes from my home. I boarded the train and sat down at a comfortable and spacious seat. I wasn’t quite sure what I was expecting but the seats and legroom were far superior to any airplane I have ever been on. The train’s conductor, a jolly black man whom I will never meet in person but his voice will always be in my memories, began speaking over the loud speaker and saying really funny things. I guess it was his last day with his coworkers or something, but the character was a riot. He yelled at a smoker outside the train, he told us to all join hands and sing kum-by-yah, among other various spurts of hot air that tickled me.

Its 5:30 am and any minute now the sun will rise over the hills and orange groves that comprise my metaphoric view of live; everything is beautiful. Its as if the sun is rising on a new age in my life, and the darkness that has been my life for a while now is leaving. I will not take this moment for granted, for I feel a new birth of what is attainable in sweet moments of laughter, peace, and joy. On an Amtrak train, go figure. This train is taking me to where I need to be most right now. 5:50 am, the suns rays are beaming through the hills just beautifully.

And here I am, riding on the midnight train, not going anywhere... going home.

HALLELUJAH

Summer is here. I am so excited for summer to finally arrive for me. For those of you who truly know me, you know that for me Summer is not so much a period of sunny days and relaxation, but rather a much more meaningful experience that is more metaphorical and dramatic than a simply vacation from school.

To me, the summer is a celebration of life. A celebration of friendship. To sum everything together, to me: summer is a celebration of community that strives towards the actualization of our mortality and of our immanent life in Christ.

Summer, that celebration of our youth, has started.

I spent yesterday night in Hollywood on Sunset Blvd beneath the Hollywood sign as my roommate Kellen played guitar at Rainbow Bar and Grille (fortunately not a gay club as I had worried when I first heard of it), a sweet little venue next to the Roxy. As he played guitar and all our friends were gathered around I couldn’t help but feel alive in that moment. How fortunate we all are to have life abundant, life that is powerful and wonderfully strong. I love my friends, I love community, and I celebrate life in Christ. When we are aware of our mortality and the gift of eternal life that Christ offers us, our lives take on a sweeter taste. We live better--with more courage and boldness to be alive than ever before.

And the only word that can cross my mind is the hebrew word that means ‘God be praised.’

Hallelujah.

2007: THE SUMMER OF __________

What will this summer be? What will be the driving theme of this summer? What will be the ultimate goal of my life and how will that be reflected in how I spend this summer.

This summer will be about freedom, friendship, growing and learning, maturing, and getting spiritual. I am so excited because I know that God has given me this great opportunity, this wonderful blessing, this exciting chance to live in freedom and to experience something completely and wonderfully new. I am excited for the challenge because I firmly believe that we were all made for amazing things.

Carpe Diem: the motto of my life. I am so excited to have my whole life ahead of me, but what excites me the most is knowing that I am alive here and now and therefore I constantly must choose to live my life in a way that is worthy of glorifying the sacrifices that Jesus made for me on the cross.

I know I must seize the day. I know that this summer will be such a time of growth for me. I am so excited about it. What will it hold for me though? What new and driving force will guide me this summer? Last year I thought my summer was about finding love, but what more now can this summer hold?--Perhaps a combination of wonderful treasures that will be revealed to me when the time is right. Praise God for everything he has done and will do for me. Thank you God for the summer of 2007: the summer of (God, fill in the blank!).

I am so excited.

LIVE FREE

Live Free. Carpe Diem. Love wins. Hope Still Remains. Live for Christ. These statments comprise my credo, and I fully believe in the power of each of these statements. With the beginning of this new blog, I hope that this will be evidenced through my life, my stories, and the way I live my life.