THE JOY OF DOUBT

Doubt comes when you have big questions that cause you to seek answers.  Joyful doubting is when your quest for answers is so fulfilling that your faith becomes a solid rock...

Rarely do I read a book that is life changing.

How the natural order of things has been upset recently!  Tonight I finished a book called "Creator and the Cosmos" by Hugh Ross, PH. D. and it has genuinely changed my life.  "How is that?" one might ask.  I have been struggling with doubt and fear about God's existence for a long time.  I had so many questions about the universe, about life, and so many other great things that it has really affected me negatively over the past four years.  Tonight though I have found a fountain of truth, and with a joyful heart I say that doubting has been the best thing to ever happen to me.  For without doubt, I would have never sought the answers that have swung me from ignorance to awe and wonder.

In Creator and The Cosmos, Ross outlines the evidence for the creation of the universe using the latest scientific discoveries of astronomers and scientists alike, many of whom are atheists.  The evidence for a Big Bang event are overwhelming, but this means that the universe had a beginning!  There is no escaping the fact that everything is created.  [This is not me trying to prove or argue my faith, I am simply summarizing what I have learned].  I always asked why there is so much space and so many stars, and the latest scientific discoveries show that if there was any more or any less stars in the universe, placed any closer or any further, and life would be impossible because planets would not be able to form.  The whole universe shows complexities and formations that could not have randomly occurred without divine intervention, and the universe is nowhere near as improbable and complicated as the human body.  The fact that life exists, at all, shows proof of God's design, intellect, and care for creation.  To simplify the argument, this universe and the life in it is far too complicated and improbable (infinite understatement) to explain by simply natural explanations.

The final chapter, entitled "The Point", is only 3 pages long, but it has changed my life forever.  One sections reads:

"Drawing near to God, calling on Him "in truth," begins with humbly acknowledging who we are -- His creation and no one else's, foolishly inclined to place ourselves or others in God's place of authority over our lives -- and who He is -- the Divine Maker and Provider of all things, including a way across the gulf that divides us from him."  (pp. 218)

Those words are honey to my lips.  Drawing near to God begins with acknowledging that we are his creation and he (and only he) is our creator.  I think the word "acknowledging" can best be described as understanding.  This means to me that by understanding God's creation, we can be closer to him.  I see the degrees of complexities and magnitudes of this creation, and I am impressed.  Praise God for your creation.

I have always had an interest in science, and forever I thought that science stood in the way of faith.  It is now that I realize that science makes my faith even better.

THIRST

I am thirsty.

thirst:  Poetic/Literary  a strong desire for something.

As I sit here cocooned in music, I am realizing how truly dry I am.  I thirst for so much but my eyes are veiled: I feel like I am in a desert, when in fact I am treading in an ocean.

I thirst for righteousness, true love, for God's kingdom come, for peace, for wisdom, for love, for justice, for freedom, for heaven, for answers, for buried treasure, for blessings, for faith, for intimacy, for life, for adventure, and I thirst to know myself.  I am a man, thirsty for so much, and this thirst manifests itself as much more than hunger pains.  I know what I was made for, my purpose, my amazing calling, but I idly take it for granted, and refuse every cupful that comes my way.

By any definition, we would call a man dying of thirst who refuses a cup of water to be insane.

My thirst has reached an apex, a tipping point: I can no longer ignore the passion of my soul to be righteous and faithful.

I am exhausted with trying to fake my way through relationships, my faith, my work, and life in general.  A moment of honesty for me is a moment of self-recognition, and at times I do not like the whole picture present in the mirror.  But I am confronted with a truth greater than anything power of this world; I am loved without precondition by a God who promises satisfaction to all who thirst.

This past year has been a difficult one for me.  One of asking myself whether or not I truly believe in God, and the answer I have discovered is that I absolutely believe he exists, and that he is involved in the affairs of this world--and this heart.

It should come as no surprise then that I thirst to know more about the Creator.  I know much about his character, but little about his face or his hand.  With little trepidation I sail forward towards springs of freedom, justice, wisdom, and love... hoping that this insatiable yearning can be cured by a God who promises to quench all thirsts.