SADDNESS

Some days I just wake up and realize that I feel sad.  It is not that I had a bad morning or a bad sleep, but every so often I come in to consciousness and realize that today might just be another forgettable day, and this of course makes me sad.

Deeply sad.

That which makes me sad are problems not easily solved.  I have sadness in so many areas of my life that this makes me sadder.  Sadness over a girl too far from reach, an adventure not lived, friends lost, friends not made, a family not bonded tightly, a God met with hostility, friends not in community, and a world full of ignorance of peace.  My sadness plagues these days, and there are times that my overwhelming hope and optimism fail in the shadow my sadness casts.

God's love is strong throughout my pain, and while it comforts me greatly, a desperate chill still fills my breath.  What can I do to make such sadness cease?  It seams for so long I haven't experienced great joy, and the terrible thing is that I know joy is often a matter of choice.

God, take this sad heart and make it new.  

WHILE MY GUITAR GENTLY WEEPS

I long for the day when some girl will see her whole world in my
eyes. I long to be wanted, esteemed, and enjoyed, cause right now I
feel only tolerated with an accompaniment of apathy.

KINDNESS

Of all the virtues I consider to be important, I realized a great tragedy before me.  I have spent so much time considering the importance of wisdom, justice, freedom, and love, that I have developed serious tunnel vision--in doing so I forgot one of God's most precious gifts to us: the act of kindness.

I categorically considered myself a kind person, but I realize in many ways my selfishness and general apathy towards being a participator in acts of kindness illuminates fully a inconsistency now vividly apparent.  The man I see myself as is irreconcilable with the man I am.  Believing myself a kind person naïvely has led me to overlook opportunities to engage others in a God-pleasing way.  Thinking I was kind led me to overlook those who who truly needed some kindness.

How I realize now the importance of this humble virtue.  Kindness is more than being considerate, fair, or loving.  It is an act that requires a participator and an action... an action which generally demands a sacrifice on behalf of the participator.  I would define kindness without sacrifice as simply generosity (which is not a bad thing either).  The severity of the sacrifice is paralleled in the act of kindness.  What we experience as a desire to be kind is a byproduct of the act and sensation of real love of others, universally.  My prayers then led me to beg God to fill my heart with love and joy of others, and to petition him to lead me in acts of kindness when they are not apparent to me.

What do I believe about kindness?  Kindness is gentle, but can be passionate.  Kindness is big, but can be shown in small ways.  Kindness can be random, but love is constant.  Kindness can be bold, but best served humbly.

I challenge myself to live the remainder of my life exercising kindness to all people, in any way that I can.

God, give me a heart that seeks to be kind to others.  Cleans my thoughts and make them pure.  Strike selfishness from my lips and my mind, and fill the void left there with passion for your people.  Illuminate opportunities to be bold and humble.  Remind me constantly that while this garden is temporary, it is still the perfect place to worship you with my actions.  Give me wisdom, a heart for justice, love indescribable, joy in freedom, and focus my eyes on kindness.