GEOFF REVIEWS: WANTED (2008)

There's something special about office dwelling weenie Wesley Gibson.  Despite his extraordinarily pathetic life ruled by popping pills, Gibson, played by James McAvoy (Atonement), has the special ability to bend bullets and other spectacular impossibilities.  Yes, I'm talking about Wanted, the new film directed by Timur Bekmambetov... and while Morgan Freeman + (Angelina + guns) sounds like an adequate recipe for a decent film, the whacky premise of Wanted makes me wish they had gone with the "maybe it'd be better if we made Wesley face-off against Neo from the Matrix" idea.

The plot of the film follows Wesley as he discovers the strength he never knew he had, with the help of a fraternity of trained assassins, of which his father just so happened  to be the greatest, until he was "murdered in cold blood" by a rogue assassin a few days ago.  Wesley is taken into the arms the Fraternity, a thousand year old clan of... weavers.  Yes, weavers.  At the Fraternity's safe house, in Chicago, Wesley is trained to be a lethal bullet bending machine by the foxy femme fetal Fox, Angelina Jolie (Tombraider), under the supervision of the Fraternity's leader Sloan (Morgan Freeman, Shawshank Redemption).  Once his training is complete, Wesley will be a full fledged assassin with a spectacularly complete life, something all assassins can boast.

As it turns out, the Fraternity is the hand and tool of fate.  Their targets are assigned to them by an obnoxiously contrived source free from human tampering... an ever growing quilt that holds random binary codes in its fabric... which was discovered all those centuries ago by the Fraternity.  Neat huh?

The film features a lot of loud noises and spectacular scenes of nonsensical action that by golly looks really neat.  The best moment of the film comes as Jolie steps out of a bathtub and we see the top of her buttocks.  Oh how all the desperate young men in the audience liked that!  This film was rather insulting in many ways, making me believe that the sophistication of most movie-goers today is at a level where nothing needs to make sense for them to appreciate a film, which explains why my drunk friends liked it more than I did.  

The writers barely shell out a character arc for our Wesley.  His character is convincing but so contrived.  He really has no motivation, and never even wonders why his father left in the first place.  A lot of the script in this film could be described like Wesley's former life, inadequate.

The acting in the film is alright, and Jolie does a terrific job of creating a new character despite its similarity to other roles she has played.  Unfortunately there is not enough Jolie in this film.  Morgan Freeman is a wonderful man, but I'm going to forget he was in this film.  James McAvoy who was great in Atonement, does a standup job as Wesley, but I think he could have used better direction around the middle of the film.

The great action sequences are fun to look at, but nothing really and truly new and unique.  It constantly reminded me of the matrix, and the insufferable story really put me over the edge.  Wanted, hah.  I *wanted* my money back.

JOY COMES IN THE MORNING

God is my shepherd, I won't be wanting, I won't be wanting.

I am encouraged by the wisdom in God's little surprises.  This past week had been very difficult for me; truly one of the lowest weeks of my life.  For many reasons I found disappointment an easy commodity to fill my life, and every day became another excuse to add another tally to the "bad" side of the scorecard I had been keeping.  The month of June hasn't been generous with good days.  In the past weeks I had experienced great frustration, and it all came down on me one afternoon while driving home from work on the very packed, hot, and garbage smelling I-5... and ironically God made himself known to me here.  Suddenly a car passed in front of me, and the license frame read in silver letters "Joy comes in the morning."

Joy comes in the morning.

I wrote earlier of the mighty chains that bind me down, but now I write of the truth that sets me free.  God seems to be pretty intent on always keeping me in suspense, as his surprises come when I least suspect them, but one thing I do love about God is knowing that the promise of tomorrow is a promise of great joy, and that changes who I am today.  I find myself capable of loving life the way God wants me to: through the good, and the more often bad.  Knowing what dreams may come gives today a brighter morning.

God is my shepherd, I won't be wanting, I won't be wanting.

He makes me rest in fields of green

and quiet streams

Even though I walk through the valley

of death of dying

I will not fear cause you are with me,

you are with me

"In The House of God Forever" by Jon Foreman

Today at work, I had cleared guests off to the side of the parade path for the Electric Light Parade.  As I worked to keep the path clean I went around talking to guests to make sure they were having a nice day and a great experience at the Disneyland parks.  These little boys waved me down and started talking to me about how excited they were.  Suddenly, three of the most adorable children I have ever seen came up to me as I was kneeling to talk.  These three girls were holding some kind of little pink and furry books, and when they got to me they asked very sweetly "Can we have your autograph?"  I was embarrassed in front of the thousand people watching me in the middle of the parade path.  I heard a choir of "ahhhs" from behind me, well--maybe 4 or 5.  I was embarrassed as I felt I had done nothing worthy of these little children's respect, but as I wondered what to write on their little autograph books a sense of purpose came over me.  I wasn't sure what I am allowed to write when I am working, but the message in my mind was clear.  I wrote to each girl that they were princesses, and were made to be special.  After they signed it and walked off, I had the biggest smile on my face.  I guess it's the magic of the place, but what I really hoped was that those girls would maybe one day look back on that and realize what I truly meant by what I wrote:  that they are God's little princesses, and he made them very special.

I think that the biggest joy we get in life is knowing we are special.  Does anything make you more special than being a joy to God?  Joy is not a transaction between man and God, it's a circle and an embrace.  We take joy in God's love, and our joy makes God's day.

If joy comes in the morning, don't keep the sun down too long.

If joy comes in the morning, don't let me oversleep.

If joy comes in the morning, let me give you joy in the evening.

LOVE AND HATE

I am starting to come to terms with the fact that I truly despise Los Angeles.  I despise her sports teams, her traffic, her dirtiness, her crooked cops, her stupid heat.  Not only do I loathe living so close to this overpopulated crap heap, but I fail to understand how things could be so bad.

So I am embellishing my distaste for LA a little, but for some reason I am just in a moment of life where I am less than enthusiastic about my current situation.  Why is it so hard for me to be grateful for the things I have?  Why is it so hard to do the things I ought to do, and want to do?  Like I already discovered though, I am selfish through and through, and the only person's needs that I seam to care for are my own.

What a hard pill to swallow.

I see God teaching me so much right now.  At first I blamed all of my misery on account of God.  I thought to myself: if I was where God wanted me to be, then I wouldn't be so miserable.  Then it occurred to me:  every Christian doesn't own a mansion on Maui.  I don't think God puts us in situations to be safe and risk nothing.  I realized for me that my miserable attitude towards life came from the fact that I am not loving as Christ loves.

I realized that my misery spawned from living a life where I wasn't allowing God to love through me.

So tonight my prayer leads me to gently petition God so,

Lord, take this selfish and attention-starved heard and make it yours.  God you know how miserable I get in those moments where I refuse to let your love guide my steps.  God, keep pushing me to go wild with love, and to find gratitude in what I have, in what I am, and what you will accomplish through me and without me.  My heart is heavy, but you are strong.  Carry these burdens for me or with me, and let your love become a joy inside the deepest reaches of my being.  Amen.

Things are going to get interesting.

IN THE NAME OF

This week has been a long week.  I started training at work, and let me tell you... I hate commuting.  If there is one thing on this planet that can make me crazy upset, it is undoubtedly traffic.  My car is the other.  No air conditioning in a car with windows that don't roll down while stop and go traffic makes my car an oven is the nightmare I face every day.  Yeah, traffic really irks me.  Traffic, and also having no personal time to myself in a day.  I didn't really realize it until recently, but not taking time to be by myself and think makes me really irritable to little things, although it's nothing that I don't get over after a moment.

I had great alone time today, and it was really great.  While I was swimming in the pool (while the girl who talks to herself sat in the hot tub, talking to herself) I began thinking about life and what kinds of things I live my life for: what do I live my life in the name of?  I mean, it is easy to say the things we want to live our lives for, and even easier to acknowledge the things we think we ought to live for... but when we cut trim the wishywashy away, what is left?  The fear that I keep running from is that if I cut the wishywashy out of my life, that there would be little left to count.  Am I a fool who thinks that I am more than I am?

I floated there in my pool while talks-to-herself-girl blabbled (I made that word up, it is "blab + babbled") incoherences on and on, and it got me thinking even more.  Maybe I am no different than this girl.  Maybe I am confused and lost.

For so long I believed in my heart that the only thing worth living life for was to be in love.  I defined my life by whether of not there was a girl in my life that I was in love with, but then I got to this point where I realized how unfulfilling -- and inconsistent -- this was.  I rationalized at times that I was living an incomplete life because I wasn't married or didn't have a girlfriend.  I feel so duped.

The only love that I can define my life by is Christ's, and only through that love will I ever know or share love with anyone else.  I have been living my life for the wrong things.  While I lived my life in the name of love, love became an idol that steered my thoughts away from God, and the only thing that lured my eyes back to God was his perfect and untarnishable love.

I thought living alone was with a girl to love was a fate worse than death, but I realized I am hardly alone.  God put into place around me a tremendous group of friends who care about me, and their love is the kind of love I think God really wants me to live my life for.  I've said it a few times, but today I really mean it, I don't need a girlfriend to be happy... and I don't need one to make me broke--I seem to do quite well getting broke for myself... but thank the Lord I am out of school and actually have time to work now!

I really like what I said just a moment ago:  "While I lived my life in the name of love, love became an idol that steered my thoughts away from God."  Even though I believe the scripture "God is love," I got so wrapped up in the passion of loving a woman I do not know yet that I neglected the one who makes love possible and worthy of living for. 

Words of Relient K wisdom:

that's not the way, I want to live.

i need to change

yeah something's got to give

if home is where you heart is

then my home is with you

What am I living my life for?  I am living my life in the name of freedom, and it has rarely felt so good.

RARE HONESTY

I find great wisdom in the poetry of C.S Lewis, reiterated again by Blue Like Jazz author, Donald Miller:

All this flashy rhetoric about loving you.

I never had a selfless thought since I was born.

I am mercenary and self seeking through and through;

I want God, you, all my friends to serve my every turn.

Peace, reassurance, pleasure, are the goals I seek,

I cannot crawl one inch outside my proper skin;

I talk of love -- a scholar's parrot may talk Greek --

But, self imprisoned, always end where I begin.

I am not attempting to copy Donald Miller's prose, but I think he evaluated the poem perfectly when he confesses:

"Sometimes I wonder if I am like the parrot in Lewis' poem, swinging in my cage, reciting Homer, all the while having no idea what I was saying.  I talk about love, forgiveness, social justice... altruism, but have I even controlled my own heart?  The overwhelming majority of time I spend thinking about myself, pleasuring myself, reassuring myself, and when I am done there is nothing to spare for the needy.  Six billion people live in this world, and I can only muster thoughts for one.  Me."

The words of these two great thinkers sum up how I feel very adequately.  I sit here every day wondering how my life makes any difference in this world, but I never stop to even ask myself what I have done to make it important.  All of my thoughts are centered on me, and how often do I catch myself centering my life on what others can do for me?  How can I be a person who claims to care and love others, when I haven't done a single thing my whole life to trick God that I am.  God sees right through my lazy heart, because he will never be fooled.  At this moment, I am not that person I want to be, nor am I the person I thought I was.

I talk of love, I talk of trusting God, I talk of great adventures... my greatest adventure this week was walking down my street.  I am duped into believing this bliss is not really a state of idle folly.  Miller puts it perfectly when he writes that maybe Satan's plans are not to trick us into doing the wrong things, but tricking us into idleness, where we accomplish nothing.  That is exactly where I am right now.  Idle.

Whenever I honestly sit down and write how I feel, I always have this overwhelming responsibility to write "what I ought to write."  As if taking a moment to be upset with God is only allowable for a half second, and has to be immediately followed by songs of joy.  Every time I right I find myself immediately pressed to make my last paragraphs redemptive.  I was always afraid that taking time to be honest was in some way a time of weakness, a moment of selfishness.  In this world full of pain and hurt, how can my feelings compare?  I dupe myself into believing that there is nothing important about me worth being truly honest about, but I now realize this is infinitely more destructive.  By denying my ability to feel and to be truly honest with myself, I am denying that I am important to God--and that he didn't make me in his image.  Add blasphemer to my resume of personal adjectives.

From now on no more sugar-coating, and no more feeding myself these lies that I can't be honest about how I feel.  No more redemptive ending to everything I write, unless of course it is because I have experienced something redeeming.

So as look into my mirror I see myself with the mask off.  I am a scared man with big dreams and fleeting hopes.  I always seem to know what is right to do, but rarely do it.  The most important person in my life is me, and the second most important person in my life, whoever he/she is, I have left little room for.  I crave adventure so much because I never feel its presence, and I fool myself into thinking that pain is a wonderfully necessary contrast that makes life sweeter.  I cannot claim I love God with all my heart because to do so would be a lie, and I am tired of telling God it isn't so.  More over, I am sick of telling myself it is so, but if I had one wish... it would be that my intimacy with God would be insatiable.  In my heart the only truth I really know is that my biggest desire is to be so in love with God.  I want to be in that place where God is all I need, my soul's sufficiency, my strength when I am weak... you get the picture.

If you're still reading this, thank God you're in my life.

I am desperate, confused, shaken and stirred, downtrodden, discouraged, bound, selfish, and idle.  That resume of adjectives is starting to really fill up.  If touting freedom is my crux, then why are these chains so thick?  My only ironic hope is that maybe these chains are so heavy because they need to be, for weaker chains could not hold down a mighty man.  That is my hope at least, that I am a mighty man.

I am starting to really see true freedom, and starting to really deal with the issues of what is means to by myself.  I guess the scriptures put it best:  the truth shall set you free.  For me, acting on the truth of who I am sets me free, but as of this moment I have yet to act, I am merely realizing what that truth is.

The only person my idleness enkindles pleasure in is Satan.  My prayer is that God finds pleasure in my potential to overcome, because right now I know that, like Donald Miller writes, I am Hitler, and if anyone saw the torrent of my heart, only God could disagree.

God, fill me with passion that will overcome my idleness.  I am no longer comfortable living as I am.  Make me honest, and give me your powerful wisdom.  Make me a man who loves with actions and words, and let it all come in an adventure worth living my entire life.

OH ME OF LITTLE FAITH

Here I am, sitting here trying to justify why I feel sorry for myself,
and then I realize how little faith I have. I have been doubting God
and his big plans for me. I'm tired of doing that.

I know God has the best of this world in store for me, and it is time
I live like I believe it.

DEFEAT IS TODAY'S THEME

I feel defeated, and the sad things is I wish I would have put up more
of a fight.

Maybe I am completely wrong, but unless I am mistaken, my time was
worth nothing if not barely a little more.

I guess all I am asking, is for one damn moment in my life where I
might be given the blessing and fortune to finish first. I do not
curse God, and I am thankful for the blessings I do have, I am just
not myself right now as I think about how this makes me feel.
Jealousy is not befitting me, but for some reason I am tempted to give
in as all those lies I wanted to believe seem to have a little more
credit to them (read LIES AND PRAYERS -- March 07, 2008).

And I am left again desiring what I do not, will not, and for some
reason cannot seem to have.

Yet in some way, it makes life taste sweeter. Even the bitter moments
of life enhance my understanding of what it means to live fully, and I
revel in the fact that heartache gives me hope of better things to
come. With a hope and a prayer, perhaps God will smile on me soon
enough.

YET LIFE CARRIES ONWARD

How can we live free in a world where death is the inevitable destiny
we all face? For the past year I have tried to live out a life where
freedom is the credo by which I shape my life, but every day I have to
relearn what that truly means. It all seems so pointless when a
friend passes, yet life carries on. What does this infer about living
a life of freedom? Am I free from sadness? By all means, no. But is
sadness not a force that binds us in so many ways?

For me, I try to take encouragement in the knowledge I have of the
truth that there is more than this world. Where "moth and rust do not
destroy." Someday there will be no more hurt, no more sadness, nor
death nor illness will be capable of causing the pain now felt. There
are times where I find myself angry amidst sadness, and I try my best
to reconcile freedom and joy with pain and hurt. The scriptures say
blessed are those who morn, so I doubt God wants to send us a muddied
and mixed message.

I'm reminded of the worship song many of us know:

I am pressed but not crushed, persecuted but not abandoned
struck down but not destroyed, I am blessed beyond this curse
for his promises I endure, his joys going to be my strength
I'm trading my sorrows, I'm trading my pain,
I am laying them down, for the joy of the Lord.

If there is anything I have learned, there is a time for everything.
There is a time for mourning and a time for joy. What a life of
freedom means to me is that I know the joy to come, and that sets me
free from letting my heart fill with darkness. So while my heart
mourns, it will not be overrun by these demons, but will instead by
filled with the joy of the Lord who gives me strength, and by his hand
-- one day -- there will be more sadness.

K, May your body rest in peace, but your soul dance in heaven forever.