STORIES OF BEING REAL

As I layed on my couch Late Sunday night softly strumming some melody
that seemed so primordial, so "apart" of me that it seamed to be of my
very essence, I began talking to God about the things I have come to
fear the most. You see, the funniest thing is that I constantly
reminded that when I need God the most, he is always there to comfort
me and guide my weary soul to safe harbour.

As I layed there I was reminded of the saying that no matter what,
there is always someone on this Earth thinking about you and loving
you. As I layed there contemplating the merrit of such a statement I
immediately came to the conclusion that it was bullshit. Utter and
complete nonsense, and I found no comfort in it at all. I hated the
idea because I knew that I was alone in that moment, I felt like there
wasn't anyone in the world thinking about me at just that moment. I
felt so utterly and completely alone.

Lately I have been struggling with these feelings of lonliness. They
are the same problems that have kept me in bondage for so long... and
I have been coming closer and closer to knowing true freedom every
time I win a battle. The silly thing is that freedom is immediate, it
is now, it is complete, and it is more than a hope. I keep finding
myself in that rut though, where I'll believe any lie told to me, and
the biggest one I sometimes put credit in is the one lie that is
designed to make me feel alone, and unloved.

I considered the fact that if no one in the world was thinking about
me at that moment, I must be terribly lonesome. The feelings sank in
and then I gave it up to God to remind me of his glory, his comfort,
his strength to heal. I never knew it would come so immediatly.

The very next day, in the afternoon, I came home and had sat down for
barely a few minutes when Blake and Amanda stopped by. Routine
visit? No... Amanda had made me sugar cookies, and then spilled her
heart out to me that God has been putting it on her heart to pray for
me for the past two weeks. I almost cried. She had told Blake about
her, even called her mom, and she had no idea that I was going through
this time of lonliness! God bless Amanda and Blake. This comfort
came at a time when I needed it most. The most touching part of the
story was that she had written me a note letting me know how this had
all come to her, and how thankful she was that I played a part in her
coming to APU, and how it has radically improved her life.

I went from feeling like a tiny island alone at sea to a man whose
appreciation for God's providence and timing could never be
understated. Thank you God, for everything you are, everything you
do, and thank you for loving me.

Thank you God, for reminded me that you made me special and that you
never made me to believe I was alone. You made me to breath freedom
with every breath, and I am so thankful for your miracles.

And thank you, for real friends like Amanda and Blake. I am so
blessed by them and the rest of my close circle.