IT'S GOOD TO BE ALIVE

I am so simply in awe of life right now, and one thing that stands out
so clearly to me is that it is good to be alive. It really is just
good to be alive right now. So often we think about how the world is
at war, how people are dying everywhere, and so many other horrible
things--but we never stop to look around and see how beautiful a thing
it is to have life at all. If there was one way I could end all wars
and sin, I wish it would be that the world would learn to love the
beauty of life. If the whole world stopped for a moment long enough
to see how great it all is, this world would be a different place.

I'm just a happy person this week I guess.

The funny thing is I am scared sh!+less about life, but at the same
time I am so excited for all of it. There is so much opportunity
around the next few corners and I can't wait to take my next few
breaths.

There is so much for me to write, so much for me to say, so much for
me to do, so much for me to sing, but I just want to step back and say
it's good to be alive, it's good to be alive.

It's good to be alive.
It's good to be alive.
It's perfect to be loved.

IN*VENTURE

I love that my latest adventure has been exploring who I am, and not
to be egotistical, but I like what I'm finding.

Yesterday I finally did what I have been wanting to do for quite a
long time: I told Sarah my feelings for her. If you believe that this
was a momentous event in my life then we will of course agree.
Telling Sarah that I had strong feelings of attraction for her was
exactly what I needed to do, and now that it is over I feel a
tremendous weight lifted off my shoulders (notice that I did not say
burden). I am so pleased with this decision that I have been smiling
since, and for some strange reason I find myself overwhelmingly excited.

I brought her over to give her a cheap Valentine's Day card I had made
her. I made up some story about making one for all my gal-pals
because I didn't want to break the ice quite so soon, but after a few
minutes of small talk I finally decided that the timing was perfect
for me to spill. We were small talking, as I said, and I looked right
at her and she was absolutely stunning. I said "Sarah, I like you"
and as I took a short breath to continue speaking but she piped in
"awe Geoff I like you too..." and it killed me. She meant it as a
friend, and I didn't (it made me laugh, not sad)--but I jumped right
back with "no, but I mean I have a crush on you, I am really attracted
to you." I watched her face for the slightest bit of discomfort, but
she was all smiles and was very surprised. Thank God it was Sarah
that I like because any other girl would have made the situation so
awkward, but not her. She was so easy with the whole thing and very
understanding. I continued to spill my guts about everything and I
made sure she knew there was no pressure on her and that she wasn't
going to lead me on because immaturity like that has no place for a
growing young man like me!

The outcome was not the one I had hoped for, but definitely the one I
had expected. My only concern is making sure that she won't feel
uncomfortable around me, and won't feel like she needs to watch
herself around me for fear of hurting me. I hope and believe she
understands that all will be just fine.

I come down now to the question of: "where do I go from here?"
Seriously though; what now? I told her my feelings about her and I am
glad I did because it was something we both knew about but had never
spoken of, but what do I do now? I suppose I will just keep on doing
what I have been doing: trusting in God. I don't know what's going to
happen, and if I had to take a guess I would probably say nothing, but
these things are unknowable and mysterious. Do I wait around for her
to probably never like me--or do I try to get over these feelings in
my heart? Neither are very wise I would say. Where is the line
between trusting God and taking action into our own hands? The last
thing I want to be is untrusting, but I would hate to be idle just as
much.

For the moment I just revel in the excitement of doing something that
only happens a few times in life (for me at least). I can only hope
that I have handled it like a man, and that God is pleased by my
faithfulness. I have felt his encouragement to speak up: not in any
direction or to any end, but just to be brave and do it. I have
learned so much already, and I can only imagine what blessings God has
for me ahead. Bless me richly, Father!

ANOTHER CLIFF

Over the summer I discovered my love for jumping off cliffs into deep
pools of water. It's the adventurer in me that loves taking the risk,
despite the fact that I am scared as hell the whole time. Every time
I approach the edge I find myself shaking at the knees wondering If
I'll commit or not.

Amber Rosemoon said "Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather
the judgement that something is more important than fear."

I think that is one of the truest statements to ever reach my ears,
and for that matter, circulate through my blood like oxygen. It is so
true. Sometimes in life there are things so important for us to do
that we act in despite of fear, not without it. Fear puts things into
perspective, fear makes us realize the things we hold true, those we
love, and reasons we care.

I find myself standing at a new cliff, and though this one is not made
of stone, the leap may be further and have consequences greater than I
have seen or predicted. I'm the kind of person who calculates then
reacts. I analyze, I think, I write, I question, and I calculate
every angle, every avenue or consequence that will result from the
leaps that I take.

This new cliff seems so high, but the one thing tantamount to my
courage is my trust in God. I'm still confused, but I know he is in
control. When I say I am going to trust God I mean it, and while
there are times I get sick of reminding myself to do so, here I am
again committing myself to the Father who has the best of this world
for me. For me the result of the risk I take is not the point, but
rather the fact that I challenged myself to leap at all. I know how
this is going to end, it is not a surprise or an uncertainty. I
simply must because sometimes the whole journey is taking the leap.

... of faith.

The greatest cliffs lay ahead, right on the horizon.

STORIES OF BEING REAL

As I layed on my couch Late Sunday night softly strumming some melody
that seemed so primordial, so "apart" of me that it seamed to be of my
very essence, I began talking to God about the things I have come to
fear the most. You see, the funniest thing is that I constantly
reminded that when I need God the most, he is always there to comfort
me and guide my weary soul to safe harbour.

As I layed there I was reminded of the saying that no matter what,
there is always someone on this Earth thinking about you and loving
you. As I layed there contemplating the merrit of such a statement I
immediately came to the conclusion that it was bullshit. Utter and
complete nonsense, and I found no comfort in it at all. I hated the
idea because I knew that I was alone in that moment, I felt like there
wasn't anyone in the world thinking about me at just that moment. I
felt so utterly and completely alone.

Lately I have been struggling with these feelings of lonliness. They
are the same problems that have kept me in bondage for so long... and
I have been coming closer and closer to knowing true freedom every
time I win a battle. The silly thing is that freedom is immediate, it
is now, it is complete, and it is more than a hope. I keep finding
myself in that rut though, where I'll believe any lie told to me, and
the biggest one I sometimes put credit in is the one lie that is
designed to make me feel alone, and unloved.

I considered the fact that if no one in the world was thinking about
me at that moment, I must be terribly lonesome. The feelings sank in
and then I gave it up to God to remind me of his glory, his comfort,
his strength to heal. I never knew it would come so immediatly.

The very next day, in the afternoon, I came home and had sat down for
barely a few minutes when Blake and Amanda stopped by. Routine
visit? No... Amanda had made me sugar cookies, and then spilled her
heart out to me that God has been putting it on her heart to pray for
me for the past two weeks. I almost cried. She had told Blake about
her, even called her mom, and she had no idea that I was going through
this time of lonliness! God bless Amanda and Blake. This comfort
came at a time when I needed it most. The most touching part of the
story was that she had written me a note letting me know how this had
all come to her, and how thankful she was that I played a part in her
coming to APU, and how it has radically improved her life.

I went from feeling like a tiny island alone at sea to a man whose
appreciation for God's providence and timing could never be
understated. Thank you God, for everything you are, everything you
do, and thank you for loving me.

Thank you God, for reminded me that you made me special and that you
never made me to believe I was alone. You made me to breath freedom
with every breath, and I am so thankful for your miracles.

And thank you, for real friends like Amanda and Blake. I am so
blessed by them and the rest of my close circle.

PURITY RING WOES

The other evening while hanging out with some friends the topic arose among some RWOGs (that's "respectable woman of God,"  to quote a now infamous Clause opinion article from last semester) about the appropriate timing during their wedding ceremony (or the evening's activities) to remove their Purity ring.  As the conversation evolved I was really surprised by the answers some of my female were suggesting.

One girl suggested that she would remove her purity ring right before the wedding ring was placed on her finger during the wedding ceremony.  Yet another girl posited that she would remove her purity ring right before engaging in coitus (sexual intercourse) on her wedding night.  A guy in the conversation, whom is completely fictional as I have totally made him up for the sake of making a good story with care for the balance of fairness for women and men... then said "Bro, I am going to leave my purity ring on until after I am finished with my first night of sex with my wife."  A female replied to him "Hey you!  That's disrespectful to the whole idea of having a purity ring in the first place, you're only supposed to wear it while you are still pure."  The views of these people summarize many Christian ideas of purity, but what isn't surprising to me is that few realize what's wrong with them.

Ladies, gentlemen--if you wear a "purity ring" then I have a special message for you:  You can leave your purity ring on forever if you want... as long as your spouse is the only person you have sex with while you are married.

What is impure, unclean, or unwholesome about having sex with your partner that you have been united with by God?  Many Christians seem to be forgetting that sex (and sexuality for that matter) were created by God as a gift to us.  If we truly believe God made sex good... why do we fear (and often condemn) our sexuality?  Why are we so afraid to even talk about sex?  -Sticky issue, I know!  ;)

One of my favorite activities is attending past "Sex 101" a.k.a "Sex and Chocolate/Candy/Brownies/*insert food name" meetings.  I'm not "a creepy single APU male" (*callback to earlier quoted source), but I go because I like the reality check I get when I realize how misguided people are, on both sides of the table.  We are so ignorant.  You'd think that as know-it-all Christians, people should be coming to us for advice on healthy sexuality!  Yet we only know how to repeat the line "don't have a sexual thought until you're married" (which incidentally happens to be terrible advice).

The thing that surprises me the most about these events is how we always reject the message of people trying to set us free from Satan's bonds.  To quote the often rejected Dr. Steve Gerali, "Satan doesn't take bad things and make them look good, sometimes he takes good things and makes them look bad."  It breaks my hearts to see how we invite Satan into our lives thinking it is for God's glory.  The sad thing is that God has given us this great gift for us to enjoy in our marriages, but most people have been so brainwashed "for the kingdom" into thinking that sex is bad that they will live their entire lives missing the point.

Whether we like it or not we all have our own sexuality to take responsibility for as we discover, enjoy, and worship God with it.  Let's worship God by changing to desire what makes God happiest: his children living in freedom by truth.  It's not hard...... THATS WHAT SHE SAID!!!!

FOR SO MUCH MORE

We were made for so much more
I was made for so much more.

Why is it that I so often feel overlooked? Why is it that I sometimes
wish my strengths were as loud and as vocal as others'? I ask myself
why all my greatest attributes are so internal while others get to be
recognized. There are dark times for me when I measure myself against
what the world loves and adores, and while I recognize the futility in
the whole thing, why is it that I still desire to be wanted, desired,
appreciated, and adored as much as everyone else? This isn't a
struggle with the way I look or the way I act, it's a struggle with
the fact that I feel like I am nearly worthless in most people's
sight. Could this be that I see a figment of truth, or am I just
failing to recognize my friends in a moment of an encouragement dry-
spell?

I don't want to sit here and b.s. right now, but I believe that this
is all easily resolved by the fact that I am searching for freedom.
The world, especially satan, wants me to keep me in bondage to my own
corrupted self image, and would do everything in his power to keep me
from recognizing the awesome and powerful truth: I am perfectly made
by a God who loves me, and there is nothing about me that is
disappointing. There is nothing about me that is disappointing. It's
not that I must tell myself this twice to believe it, but I tell
myself twice to dwell in it's powerful truth.

God has made me special, inside and out. Doubting that is the same as
doubting his love.

WHY OH WHY?

Something I have realized among some certain friends is that our
relationship is so one sided. It is always me who does all of the
encouraging, all of the supporting, all of the work in these
friendships is the work that I put into it and I am getting quite sick
and tired of it. I feel like I am wasting my time. I am constantly
trying to be this nice guy to certain people, and I go out of my way
to be kind, generous, uplifting, encouraging, noticing change,
involved, and so much more--but all I ever get back is _______.
That's just it. It's not that I don't get anything back, I don't need
reward or immediate reciprocation of love, but honestly, I am getting
tired of friends who are too involved with themselves or others and
don't care to even be a good fellow in this community of friendship I
have around me. It's not that I don't get anything at all back, it's
that my love goes completely unnoticed.

Granted, this is a very small population of people I am so irritated
with, but it is still just so hard for me. I am just frustrated
because I feel like I have poured my heart out into a few, one in
particular, and got shafted in the whole situation. Silly girl.