IN*VENTURE

I love that my latest adventure has been exploring who I am, and not
to be egotistical, but I like what I'm finding.

Yesterday I finally did what I have been wanting to do for quite a
long time: I told Sarah my feelings for her. If you believe that this
was a momentous event in my life then we will of course agree.
Telling Sarah that I had strong feelings of attraction for her was
exactly what I needed to do, and now that it is over I feel a
tremendous weight lifted off my shoulders (notice that I did not say
burden). I am so pleased with this decision that I have been smiling
since, and for some strange reason I find myself overwhelmingly excited.

I brought her over to give her a cheap Valentine's Day card I had made
her. I made up some story about making one for all my gal-pals
because I didn't want to break the ice quite so soon, but after a few
minutes of small talk I finally decided that the timing was perfect
for me to spill. We were small talking, as I said, and I looked right
at her and she was absolutely stunning. I said "Sarah, I like you"
and as I took a short breath to continue speaking but she piped in
"awe Geoff I like you too..." and it killed me. She meant it as a
friend, and I didn't (it made me laugh, not sad)--but I jumped right
back with "no, but I mean I have a crush on you, I am really attracted
to you." I watched her face for the slightest bit of discomfort, but
she was all smiles and was very surprised. Thank God it was Sarah
that I like because any other girl would have made the situation so
awkward, but not her. She was so easy with the whole thing and very
understanding. I continued to spill my guts about everything and I
made sure she knew there was no pressure on her and that she wasn't
going to lead me on because immaturity like that has no place for a
growing young man like me!

The outcome was not the one I had hoped for, but definitely the one I
had expected. My only concern is making sure that she won't feel
uncomfortable around me, and won't feel like she needs to watch
herself around me for fear of hurting me. I hope and believe she
understands that all will be just fine.

I come down now to the question of: "where do I go from here?"
Seriously though; what now? I told her my feelings about her and I am
glad I did because it was something we both knew about but had never
spoken of, but what do I do now? I suppose I will just keep on doing
what I have been doing: trusting in God. I don't know what's going to
happen, and if I had to take a guess I would probably say nothing, but
these things are unknowable and mysterious. Do I wait around for her
to probably never like me--or do I try to get over these feelings in
my heart? Neither are very wise I would say. Where is the line
between trusting God and taking action into our own hands? The last
thing I want to be is untrusting, but I would hate to be idle just as
much.

For the moment I just revel in the excitement of doing something that
only happens a few times in life (for me at least). I can only hope
that I have handled it like a man, and that God is pleased by my
faithfulness. I have felt his encouragement to speak up: not in any
direction or to any end, but just to be brave and do it. I have
learned so much already, and I can only imagine what blessings God has
for me ahead. Bless me richly, Father!