ADVENTURE

Considering all of the changes that I have happened to me over the last two years, it seems fair to say that graduation has had little change on my life, but the importance of this milestone has struck me in a way I did not think it would.  Here I am now, at the doorstep of the future, wondering what this wild and crazy ride has for me.  What adventures lie in my immediate path?  I hesitate for only a moment to think, because the excitement to shove-off and set sail is so strong that I will trip if I do not watch myself.

Graduation was amazing, as was my last finals week.  The anticipation at Convocation was incredible and so palpable that I thought I might rip apart my robe and yell "see ya!"  I spent my day before Commencement packing, swimming, hanging out with family, attending the Department of Theatre, Film and Television reception, and finally walking into the stadium at sunset, sweetly nestled under the San Gabriel mountains... how could anything be as beautiful as this in southern California?

Commencement was a blur in retrospect.  It was over almost as quickly as it begun.  I sat with Kellen, Jon, Anders, Cody, Chadwick, Dominic, Sean, and our girls were all in the row behind us.  It was exactly all the people I wanted close to me during this pivotal moment--and while a few people were not there to share it with me, I cannot wait for it to be their turn.  We sang, we laughed, and our smiles danced in the magical hour of light that comes as the sun sets over the western sky.  I keep picturing every moment of it, captured in little polaroid pictures that linger in my mind as I tightly cling to them for fear of losing them.  These precious moments make us human, make us alive, and remind me that as all great things come to an end, the possibilities of the next adventure are endlessly elegant.

After graduation I went to my graduation party to meet up with my family and friends.  The party was great.  All of us graduates had a special box of notes prepared for us by our parents (and brooke), a special collage of pictures from our time at APU, and a signing "wall" for each of us.  There was food, family, friends, and fun... how great is that!  The best part was the toast at the end where my graduating friends and I gathered in the center of the area.  The love and the excitement was anything but normal.  We gathered there in the center of that place, and that was where I really graduated.  In that moment I graduated from one person into another, and the man I am now is so completely different.  Before I understood the power of friendship and community, but in this moment I experienced and discovered the commitment of community.

It is funny to see how different my priorities are.  Through all the girlfriends, jobs, friends, projects, studies and everything else my priorities have been on doing what was best for me and had my best interests in mind, but for some reason now I care most about serving my friends diligently, and while I have no idea what that looks like now, rest assured I'll discover it soon.

Since graduation I have been moving into my new apartment in Glendale, CA... just a few miles away from the Hollywood sign.  I see big things in my future, and I plan to take this town by storm.  You shouldn't expect anything less, I'm here to change the world.

Praise God for the adventures to come.

ROCK BOTTOM

I've hit rock bottom. My film was not selected by the APU TFT faculty
to be in the premiere. From what I understand I had content related
issues, but maybe something else? I am upset by this turn of events,
and I feel as though today is the worst day of my life.

LIES AND PRAYERS

The ten lies I have been tempted to believe today:

1.  There is nothing good about me.

2.  No one should ever like me.

3.  I'm not worth anyone's time.

4.  I will fail

5.  Love fails, miserably.

6.  God has no plans for me.

7.  I was created miserably.

8.  There is something truly wrong with me.

9.  I will never be pleasing to God

10.  There is no hope for me.

I look at this list and realize that it is not even an exhaustive list of the lies I have been tempted to believe in this very day.  The sad thing about all of these is that if I search hard enough I am sure I can find enough evidence to support them.

But Lord, I am amazed by you.

These are all lies.

These lies will never have power to sway me, for I was created by a God who loves me and cares for me.  Not only does he care for me a little, but he cares for me a lot; in great big ways I will never be able to understand.  He loves me deeply, and that will always keep me well in those times where our lives fall to despair.

God has great and big surprises for me, and I can't wait to see what those surprises are.

God, I believe in you are watching over me and keeping me in your care.  Provide for me your plans in great and glorious ways that will shake my weak attempts to define your glories.  Bless me richly, give me wisdom, and make me thirst for more of you. Amen.

WISDOM, WORD!

"Nothing makes God laugh like our plans!"

HäAGEN DAZS® SEX

People ask me what I learn in "sex" class... so I want to share some
words of wisdom from my Christian Values and Human Sexuality class
taught by Professor Mike Platter. This is really powerful,
insightful, and truth-filled.

"Häagen Dazs® will never lose business to the poop cone."

Let's consider this metaphor and how it deals with sexuality. If
Häagen Dazs® is the best ice cream in the world, which in many
people's opinion is a fact, then as the best of the best they never
have to worry about losing any of their business to an unattractive
competitor, i.e. the poop cone. Who want's a poop cone when they can
have something enjoyable and good, something that is the best.

Sexuality is similar. A simple truth about our God is that he wants
us to have the best of the best when it comes to how we put our
sexuality into practice. God wants us to have a Häagen Dazs®
sexuality because he loves us. Our Häagen Dazs® sexuality though will
never be jeopardized by an unattractive competitor for the best of the
best. We will never been tempted into having poop cone sexuality.

Where then does Satan get his grip into our lives? By trying to
attract us into getting something that is second best and less
expensive... say Dryers Ice cream. The taste is similar but not quite
Häagen Dazs® quality, but it is less expensive. It is sometimes
easier to settle for less than the best if what we are settling for
comes at a cheaper price.

You guess it, our sexuality is similar. Satan knows the poop-cone
won't work, so he tries to get us to settle for second best. Satan
doesn't want us to have what is best because that brings us closer to
God, and loses a battle for him. God does plan for us to have the
best of the best when it comes to our sexuality, but it also comes
with a significant price. Are we man/woman enough to pay up, or will
we settle for what is second best?

When we get married, we are not suddenly blessed with sexuality.
Sexuality is something developed and present over our entire life.
Our sexual practice (i.e. intercourse) is a different story, but one
this remains the same, God wants us to have Häagen Dazs® sex, and lots
of it.

What is the best of the best? Marriage. It is the ultimate act of
love and commitment to the richness of our lives that makes sex the
best of the best. Sex before that commitment will never be as good as
sex within marriage because the commitment has not been exercised,
even if the partners have been committed for several years and never
married.

There are a lot of "chastity, virginity, abstinence" campaigns out
there, but many of them miss this point in order to shame sexuality,
suppress it, or spread misinformation about it. In the end many of
these campaigns do more harm than good. Why is this new approach so
good? Because it focuses on the richness of scripture, sexuality,
theology, and marriage to present information for why we should
recognize that Satan is trying to fool us into having second best
sexuality, and who really wants that? The answer is actually many
people, because it comes at a cheaper cost. I however, think Häagen
Dazs® sounds pretty tasty to me, and I don't mind splurging the extra
cash for the extra flavor.

I GET BY WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM MY FRIENDS

As the infamous Beetles' Song goes... "I get by with a little help from my friends!"  It is funny how these words are so powerful and true except for the fact that we don't even realize it.

My whole life I have beat into thinking that my salvation comes from a relationship with Christ as a personal relationship between me and Jesus.  How wrong is that, and how many people in this world do not understand it either?  I know, that sounds ridiculous, and it is.  Let me say that I do believe that being a Christian is about having a personal relationship with Christ--but we're forgetting about one of the most important dimensions of what it means to be a true Christian.

As many of us grow up in the Church we are told who we can and can't be friends with, and that we need to confine ourselves to a lonely life as a Christian because we are not to be "of the world."  To many people this message sounds like a call to solitude, to confinement, to isolation from the world and the people who populate it.  This is one of the biggest lies that Satan has ever had the pleasure to encourage.

I think the largest critique of my faith right now is the lack of people who understand the element of COMMUNITY and it's implications for how our faith is practiced.  The word "community" is the buzz-word of theology, often called the "integrative motif," meaning that everything that we know and can study about God boils down to one thing: community (relationship).  To illuminate my point: the relationship between God and his people is a communal relationship.  "For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son" (John 3:16).  God loved the world, and as a member of the world that loves him back that means I am a part of that community that loves God.  So why do so many Christians think that their relationship with God excludes their relationship with their neighbors?

One time at a lunch I told my friends that I don't think you can love God if you hate the people around you.  They shot me down.  One was a Pastor's Kid, and it was totally shocking to me that they disagreed with me, together.  Here I am thinking that this makes common sense, but these two tried to explain to me that I was mistaken.  Well, the truth is that I was not mistaken, but I didn't fight back because I knew it wasn't worth my time.

It's true though.  How can you love God but hate hate people around you?  I can understand thinking you love God, but if there is any hate in your heart, can you authentically claim to love God?  First of all, God asks you to love everyone, even your enemies.

Sorry for going so far astray, what I really wanted to write was that I think we are missing out on a beautiful dimension of our relationship with Christ, and that is via our relationship with each other.  I think that when we love each other, that love is the same love that we have for God, and in fact, I think that any love that is healthy and directed towards people in a way that does not promote idolatry could be considered an act of worship and reverence.  God is love people, and how can that love be in our hearts if we fill it with hate?  How can we experience that love if we are not in community with people who understand it and show it?

I get by with a little help form my friends.  For me this is so true.  I can't do anything without the love of my friends.  Their encouragement, support, love, and affection keep me afloat, and I know this is because they have the love of Christ in their hearts.  So I praise God for my friends, they really understand the grace and love of our wonderful Father.

DEFEATED

Of course I was a fool for thinking that the best of days would be
followed by anything other than the worst of days. I pray for
blessings and I get disaster. Why is it that the most pitiful moments
of our existence are the moments that immediately follow the our
greatest? This balancing act is ridiculous. Yesterday's thoughts
included my maxim that it is good to be alive, but today's theme is
defeat--for that is all I feel right now.

I just want one moment of honesty to not feel guilty about calling out
bullshit. Bullshit is having some of the best days of your life and
the very next moment being on a trolly that struck that poor girl.
Bullshit is being stuck on that trolly for 40 minutes having to watch
them try to save this girl. The crazy thing is that I go between
moments where I am upset and moments where I feel so unnerved that I
want to care less. I suppose my proximity to the situation predicts a
lot of my feelings, but I am still just really impacted by how fragile
life is, and for some reason I am not as optimistic as I was
yesterday--and this makes me feel defeated. God help me.

I feel defeat creep into my life in nearly everything else I am
involved in as well. Defeat in work, defeat in relationships, defeat
in health... I just feel so defeated right now that I fear I might
stink of it.

Then the sun rises and it dawns on me: have I not already conquered
this? The answer is a resounding Yes! I have found freedom from the
sting of not only death, but freedom from those forces that seek to
turn my heart sour to the Lord. I am not defeated, I am not
finished. These stings may hurt, but they are attempts of desperation
from an evil that has nowhere to hide.

Defeat sucks and I know it, but I am not and will not be defeated.

I will continue trusting. I will continue believing that God has a
plan for me and for this life I so courageously want to live. I pray
for blessings, and blessings I do receive. I still feel the hurt, but
that only makes this whole thing more worth it. This world is not an
easy water to navigate, but I have a God who lights the way for me.

God, bless me and put your desires close to my heart. Continue giving
me a taste of your kingdom and continue to produce fruit through my
life. Use me for your will father, so that you may be pleased by the
gentleness of my heart and my willingness to boldly go to the ends of
this world for you. Give me peace, give me rest, give me wisdom, and
give me a love that abounds in your righteousness and rejoices in the
truth you've so expertly breathed.